Had the best time in Melbourne more fun than a girl should be allowed to have.
So many highlights but I think the best night was after the really bad burlesque show.
We went back to our suite ( it was huge ) 6 of us slept in that room. There was even a big fireplace in the lounge and an eight seater dining table. Everyone had had quite a bit to drink because the show was so bad we kind of had to. Thats my excuse anyway, like I needed one.
I’ve never actually been to a show where the performers were so bad they kept yelling at everyone to shut up.
Anyhoo we went back to our suite after and Kim had even more champagne so while everyone was drinking I grabbed two of my favourite girls and we went off in our PJs hunting wabbits as you do at 2 in the morning, auto correct keeps trying to correct it but it it’s WABBITS O.K. We were knocking on the other girls doors and I was on my knees when they answered, if they weren’t already asleep that was.
We were knocking on Billie and Lisas door, Vaede was behind the velvet curtains when we saw them walking up the hallway, they asked what we were up to and I said “ ssshhhhh be vewy vewy quiet were hunting rabbits”. I was thrilled that Lisa knew it was a Bugs Bunny line. We asked them to join us but it was late and Lisas foot was sore.
Anna just lost it at one point, I have a photo of her on the floor laughing, it was so funny. Vaede was hiding behind curtains and jumping out, I wonder if it was just funny to us.
When we got back to the room, everyone was singing and dancing you could hear it all the way down the hall, I couldn’t understand why someone hadn’t reported us. I know I would have.
Then at 3am, only 5 of us left we get a phone call asking if we would like a bottle of champagne sent up to our room, Vaede answered and all of a sudden she became UNDRUNK, is that even a word.
What the……when I answered the door I asked why we were being rewarded for being so noisy and he said something about the elevator that we didn’t understand. We took the champers and Vaede kept hugging it like we had won a prize, I guess e did in a way. I laughed so hard at the silliness of it all. I wonder if we are on CCTV I can’t even imagine what we looked like.
The staff at The Windsor were amazing I’ve stayed in a lot of hotels but they really were the best.
I thought it would be fun to get that suite for Christmas one year, it was wonderful.
I should tell you about the Burlesque show.
Kim who organises it all finds the best things to do, like the time we went on the Speakeasy Tour in N.Y.C, that night was crazy fun. The burlesque that night was world class and the food in that place was 10 stars and counting. I’ve never eaten a steak quite like that one.
Not this place, it was so bad it was good. We were a table of 14, I was down the quiet end so you can imagine how rowdy we all were. The place was hokey and the owner was the hokiest of all, Anna and I were buying drinks at the bar and he was such a jerk to us. I wasn’t sure if I was being abused or picked up to be honest.
There was a lovely girl at the bar with us and I overheard her say it was her birthday so I grabbed one of the cupcakes off the bar and said “ Happy Birthday,” she was the cutest girl. It turned out she was seeing Dita the same night as me so we organised to catch up.
Anyhoo I digress, the show was hilarious. Bad magicians, a snake charmer that was actually pretty good, I felt sorry for the snake though, his little ears must have been hurting. Norma wanted me to have a photo with it, I love snakes I find them so beautiful. Norma is terrified of them so it was good that she got up for a photo and got to hold it and see how lovely they are. There was a girl with a crystal ball making it move around like a bubble, I liked her too, I asked if we could see the ball close up and she came down and showed us and even let us hold it. Her name was Crystal, I wonder if that was her real name. She did an act with a cute guy with a yukele, he sang a lovely version of Somewhere over the Rainbow and she did sign language to it. They were very very cute.
Come to think of it, it was only the burlesque that was bad. A girl came out with really dusty dirty ostrich feather fans and did the fan dance, I’m surprised she didn’t sneeze all through it, she was the one who screamed at the audience to shut up, I think she was yelling at the other end of our table to be honest but it wasn’t very professional.
Vaede went up to the MC to ask something and he screamed “WHAT” at her and I lost it, so funny, I don’t think Vaede knew what was happening.
Kim was next to me when the spider burlesque girl came on, it was pretty scary let me tell you, pretty sure she pulled a spider web out of her you know what, not classy at all.
I lent over and Kim had lost it, she was laughing so hard she was crying.
It was Kims birthday so I went up and asked the MC if I could sing happy birthday to Kim and he told me to feck off and if I didn’t he would get security.
What was going on, 30 minutes ago he was offering us free tickets to fill seats the next day because we were all so much FUN. Duh!
My favourite part of the night was seeing all of the performers mopping toilet floors, washing glasses and clearing tables, it was real vaudeville.
I went out to the bar and asked for a coke and the guy said there were no glasses left and I said just pour it in a wine glass then, I could see he had some of those.
He did but he stopped where you pour the wine to. I just looked at him, shook my head and said its COKE not wine, keep pouring buddy.
The next morning Anna and I headed to breakfast we had all been laughing so hard I needed quiet time so we ducked out before the others.
When we got down to breakfast the mystery of the free champagne unfolded. A few of the girls had to walk up 3 flights of stairs the night before because the elevator was out and one of the staff said he would bring up a bottle of champagne for the inconvenience. They delivered it to the wrong room, WE GOT THEIR CHAMPAGNE. I completely lost it again.
The other hilarious thing that happened was Kims birthday cake.
We got back later than we thought from the Marilyn Exhibition, we had intended on going to a lovely cake shop and organising a cake for Kim but by the time we got back everything was closed.
I took it upon myself to go downstairs and organise something, the girls would never have given me that responsibility. so I only told Anna.
I went to the kitchen and asked if it was at all possible to organise a birthday cake, I even did the size with my hands, you know about 10 x 10 INCHES. I asked if they could put sparklers or candles on it. They said they would deliver it in 30 minutes, just enough time to have all of the girls in the room.
So we got Kim to hide in the bathroom ( I bet she was excited ) we answered the door and there on a huge plate was the tiniest sliver of mousse cake with a shard of toffee. I could hardly see it but they had kindly written Happy Birthday so that was nice, no candles though. I could hardly wait to tell Kim I had to put it on her room number because they wouldn’t take cash, she would love that.
Kim came out of the bathroom and we all sang Happy Birthday and Kim laughed so hard I figured I had done good after all.
I think that was my favourite night all up.
We had a great day out seeing The Dressmaker exhibition, it was wonderful seeing all of the garments up close and all those beautiful hats. The grounds of Ripponlea House were so beautiful as well, I imagine in it’s hey day it would have been the most beautiful house. The outside pool area was stunning. Imagine the parties you could have there.
Another perfect day was the trip to The Marilyn Monroe exhibition in Bendigo. I love road trips and this one didn’t disappoint, we laughed the whole way.
I loved driving into Bendigo and see the huge Marilyn statue, it was so windy her skirt was blowing all over the place and showing her knickers.
Of course we all had to have photos taken under her skirt looking up, the statue is wonderful, I think they should leave it there.
We were so impressed with the amount of original costumes and so many photos I had never seen before. It was amazing. Well done curators.
We spent a LOT of time looking at Marilyns feet, I knew she wasn’t perfect.
Her toes were weird and the more I looked the more I realised she was trying to hide them, someone said she had 6 toes and had them removed.
I googled it, she never had 6 toes but it was fun running around counting them so I didn’t let on.
I thought I knew all of her movies too but I had never heard of Love Nest. Better try and find that one, the suits are to die for.
I loved all of the original costume sketches, that’s what I love most.
The girls all had a great time shopping at The Round She Goes Fair but I don’t shop anymore, I have so much stuff I’m selling not buying at this stage of my life.
I had fun just walking around and talking to everyone and finding things for them, I found some fabulous shoes for Sam and Jenni in their size.
The girls had bags of shopping I was wondering how they would get it all home but knowing them they would walk home if they couldn’t get it on the plane. They would be paying excess for luggage and I would be paying excess for the weight I had put on eating cakes and champagne.
I was sad to leave all of the girls they really know how to have a good time.
Luckily Anna stayed on and I got to catch up with lovely Norma, Mags and MaryAnn and I had lunch with Helen too one day on Lygon St.
Anna and I accidentally stumbled on American Rag and we tried on all of these beautiful coats and cardigans. So many beautiful things in that shop. I wanted the red Lilli Ann coat so bad but I knew I shouldn’t buy it as I had so many coats at home and I was selling them.
I did however have one coat with me, a beautiful chartreuse 1940s coat. I thought Norma would love it so I sent her a photo and she said MaryAnn would love it more.
I could just see the coat on MaryAnn, it was her to a tee. I met them at the NGV for the fashion exhibition and I had the coat in the bag to show her. If ever you go to Melbourne you have to have lunch on the first floor of the NGV they have a tea room and they make those adorable little sandwiches and an excellent variety of tea and champagne.
Anyhoo I showed MaryAnn the coat and she bought it, it looked way better on her than it did on me. I think it was meant to be. I ended up buying the red coat and I showed Eileen at American Rag a photo of the green coat and she said she would have done a direct swap anyway.
Winner winner chicken dinner.
I didn’t have a single day in Melbourne where I didn’t meet up with someone, gosh I love that city. Anna and I met Nicole Jenkins for lunch at Captains of Industry and old shoe manufacturing building. Go there if you're in Melbourne it is fabulous. What a well of information, Nicole was I could have talked for hours, not to mention being an absolute doll as well.
I forgot to mention the night we had dinner at The Seamstress, some of the girls had gone to see Singing in the Rain and us left overs went to dinner.
Another amazing night out the food was off the scale. The waiter and staff were all amazing I wanted to go back but I ran out of time. Next time.
So that was my weekend in Melbourne, we packed so much in thanks to Kims organising skills once again. I don’t know how she does it but every trip gets better.
I stayed on with my friend Sarah and had a jam packed week with her as well.
Now I am sleeping it all off.
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